Petty Patience

Patience, by its true definition, is "the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset."

Patience, by MY definition, is "the overwhelming voice inside me telling me to bite my tongue in irritating situations, and learning to breathe in the moments that I'm not in control of." 

I feel as if patience is a virtue that most people are lacking in, myself DEFINITELY included. In my life, patience is the thing that I lack the most, because I always want to be in control of situations around me. 

Personally, I see that patience goes hand in hand with anxiety, but in reality, it should really be holding the hand of peace. That sounds confusing, I know, but let me explain: 

Anxiety by definition, "is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome." 

Most people suffer with some form of anxiety, with some being worse than others. As someone who has suffered with anxiety for most of my life, and still struggles with it now, I can attest to the fact that impatience and fear can lead to some of the worst panic attacks...EVER. 

I find that I am at my absolute worst when I'm alone with my thoughts, asking God "why didn't I say this in that conversation," "when will this person finally feel this way," or "when will I eventually move on." 

It's the lack of patience that builds up this overwhelming anger and panic because I know that these are things that I literally can't change. It's not like there's just a terribly difficult way to change something, because if there were ways to change impossible things, I would surely endure the pain. 

But there are some things in life, both mine and yours, that we cannot change. We could have all the money in the world, all the fame, all the support of every single person but we simply could not change His ultimate plan for us.  

I don't know what everyone else is dealing with, but I know that life is full of unwanted, unnerving change that none of us want to deal with. Within these pasts few months alone, I've had to do so much soul searching just to keep sight of who I am through Christ, not through the approval of other people. 

For the last 16 months or so, I've been praying every single day for something that remains an "unanswered prayer," and I'm always torn up over it every time the thought crosses my mind. It's something that I 100000000% can't control, and it's something only God could do. It's a situation that's more of a personal struggle, but most days, it distracts me from what I should be doing. 

But it's in times and situations like these where I ask myself "Why am I praying for these things to happen right here and now, instead of asking for patience to endure the time I need to wait?" 

I really love Romans 8:25, which says “But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait PATIENTLY and CONFIDENTLY." 

In 1 Timothy, we're reminded of the greatest example of patience to ever exist: “But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life.”

Christ has always been, always is, and always will be patient with us, and all He asks of us is that we be patient with what He has planned for our lives.  

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” ‭‭Jeremiah 29:11 NLT 

It pains me to think that certain things I'm worried about now may never be resolved, but I'm slowly learning to let go and just let God do what He wants in my life. I love that OUR God has something so incredibly amazing planned for each of us, but we just don't see it yet. Just think about how much more amazing things will be when they finally happen! Sometimes anticipation truly sucks, but it makes everything so much better in the end. 

On a similar note, I've just had this gut feeling lately that regardless of my personal situations going on, I just feel like something really really good is going to happen. I don't know when, what, who, why, or how, but I just have that strange feeling about it. I don't really know how to explain it! 

But until that time comes for me, for you, for anyone, there is an ultimate plan for each an every one of us that God wants us to be assured of and at complete peace about. 

I hope that if there's something on your heart, you can talk to God, talk to someone(talk to me!!!), and just be praying for patience. I'll be praying for y'all too! 

Love, prayers, and caffeine 


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